I decided to continue one of the fanfictions I wrote a long time ago

Although I don't think it's my best work

I had nothing more to add

Well I did, but nothing I was going to let little kids access

So if you want something really worth reading

Something NC-17, Mibba.com is much, much better

I need to tell you
PG-13, Parents strictly cautioned

I stared at him wishfully. There was no other word to describe him. The flawlessness of his features,Gerard. He was perfect. And I wanted him so much for that very reason. 

I tell myself,loving you is a sin. And yet I can't stop my heart from fluttering every time I meet your gaze. Every look you give me,was it love? Did you have the same fucked up fantasies I kept about you? Your voice,the breathy,sexy tone you had. Can I kiss you?

Fuck no. Did I just say that out loud? He looked at me,puzzled. Everyday,for a year,I had been struggling to keep that a secret. The movie,some retarded chick flick,was forgotten. 

"Gerard,I love you"

I lowered my eyes. I wasn't going to look at him,not anymore. I felt a hand on my chin, lifting my face. Gerard stared into my eyes. Was it love this time? He pressed his lips to mine,and kissed me. Damn,he tasted good. I was completely melting into that gorgeous creature. Leaving my thoughts behind me,I kissed him back. 

"I love you too,Frankie" he said,pulling me onto his lap. I stared at his entrancing eyes,the beautiful hazel orbs of his. Gerard gave me such a horny look that made my blood flow to my cheeks,noticeable even in the dim lighting. He was probable wondering how long it would take to the nearest motel.

"You want to get out of here? " I asked. Screw that movie.

"Only if I get to have my way with you afterwards.” he said,kissing me again.

***********

I winced as Gerard threw me onto the comfy white hotel bed and jumped on it himself. God knows what that fucking thing would endure by morning, or what Gerard was planning. I brought myself into a kneeling position and beckoned him to come closer. He did, placing his strong arms around my waist, under my jacket, and kissed me full-force, pulling my hips closer to his own. We had ordered tequila before coming up, and I could still taste it on him. I wrapped my tattooed arms over his neck, and buried my fingers in his hair, pulling him closer.

Gerard toyed with my lip piercing for a while until it bled, and then licked my lips apologetically, before pulling off my jacket, and my shirt over my head leaving marks. He was wearing a black buttoned-down shirt. I could feel muscles beneath that damned piece of cloth, and I was getting turned on. So much, I didn't bother unbuttoning anything, I just tore it apart, the plastic bodies of buttons flying across the room. My eager hands explored his torso, not leaving an inch untouched, while at the same time not breaking the kiss. I turned over so I was on top and he smirked, that annoyingly lustful smile of his.

"What do you think you're doing?" His voice was husky. I guessed all lead-singers must have been like that, lips chapped and dry from screaming on-stage, and voices always hoarse, as if they had a sore-throat. If so, then how could he manage to sound so orgasmically sexy on stage? I barely had time to answer my own question, when Gerard flipped over so he was on top, and I was left to his mercy.

He traced my collarbone with his painted finger, the black nail-polish chipping off, and then traced the same path with his tongue. I was dangerously close to moaning like a little whore, while staring into his electrifying eyes, now pools of dark chocolate. His other hand was concentrating on pinning both my wrists over my head. He shrugged off the shirt he wore, and used it to tie my hands to the bed-stand. Fuck.

He double-tied the knot, and straddled me to the bed with his hips. I couldn't move, and who knew what that gorgeous creature could do to me when he wanted to. When I wanted him to. I wanted him to ravage me, to violate every part of my body. I wanted it so much, it didn't matter if we were both guys, or if I had a girlfriend in Jersey. That was what I got.

OH HELL NAW

People still do read my blog
Even though I do not update
But since they do, I will update

And, I think it's scary
I've been very paranoid nowadays
I have absolutely no idea why
When I was in China
For the last few days I think I must have gotten very paranoid
And I got bad dreams, which I get very often

But the dreams were of family members getting hurt
Or dying, or being murdered
And the first one was of someone hurting a family member on the head
I love her, and I won't say who because I don't want anything bad to happen

And the second one was the scariest
Maybe I'll describe it for you
Well I was standing in front of a big grandfather clock
The kinds my grandfather keeps in his antique store
And then the cuckoo thing came out because the time showed 1 am

And the first time it came out it showed a polygon
And the second time it was a tree burning
And the third time
There was a woman facing the clock, which meant her back was to me
She had on this long white dress and long black hair
And she was like Samara Morgan from The Ring

The fourth time was really bad
She came out of the clock facing me, and her face was not there
There was just this black oval where her face was supposed to be
Then I think I blinked, in the dream because my eyes were closed
Then the scene changed and I was facing a life-sized Samara Morgan ghost
And then we were standing in front of a river

Two family members were there
And suddenly I got the news that one of them had died
Then I blinked, and one of the family members had become a Styrofoam head
And the ghost kicked it into the river
It fell and hit a stone, and cracked
Which meant that that family member was dead

And all the while I couldn't move
And I was watching her kill my family one by one
And then when she moved on to throw the last one into the river, I woke up
And I was in the hotel in my bed with Siti in the other bed
She was my roommate

And then now I have this feeling of being watched
I'm scared of opening my eyes again while I bathe
I don't know if you know what I'm talking about
But when the water runs down your face you close your eyes, and then you have to open them again
I'm scared of doing that because something might be there when I do

And while sleeping I always sleep on the left side of the bed
And the door is at the right, and i'm facing the window
So I've started sleeping on my back because I don't want to look either way
And have something just appear there

And when I move to look at my full-length mirror
I'm scared of seeing anything in it other than myself
Especially anything wearing a long white dress, with black hair and no face

I really get lots of horrible dreams
I've dreamed about mental patients with grotesque faces
Not mental patients, but ghosts of mental patients who remain the hospital beds because their too psychologically damaged to move on
And I've dreamed about madwomen, who have blue-light faces on stairs in our school
And I've dreamed about everyone on earth looking the same one ghost
This terrible woman who got burnt at a alter because she was born with no tongue

Never give up
Never give in
Dreams do come true

And this is what they said on the cover of a book called "How to make it in Hollywood"
Two more years
I have big dreams, and sometimes I think they're to big
But it's okay, because i'l rather be ambitions than have no ambition at all
I like perezhilton.com
People hate him, but I think he's nice
And Britney, and Paris

China was nice
And my foster family were really good to me
The scenery at West Lake, the mountain we climed whose name I cannot remember
And dangling my legs over the waters near broken bridge
Althoguh, I did'nt get to see the Great Wall
Or pandas:(

And musical evening was brilliant
All the work we had put in for three months paid off
And I think we did excellent
I really love this CCA, more than I could say
But I could'nt imagine being in any other

I though during the holidays
I would be a complete log
Sitting at home sleeping all day, getting bored
But it seems ike i'm running around all over the place with no rest
But i'm not complaining
I would rather run around all over the place with no rest than have nothing to do

And, since I'm running around the palce with no rest
I won't blog as much
Thus my blog was'nt updated for a long time
But it is now, so it's okay
And now i'll watch Sweeney Todd

Übers Ende Der Welt

Wir sind durch die Stadt gerannt,
ham keinen Ort mehr erkannt,
an dem wir nicht schon einmal waren.

Wir ham alles ausprobiert,
die Freiheit endet hier,
wir müssen jetzt durch diese Wand.

Verlager dein Gewicht,
den Abgrund siehst du nicht.

Achtug, fertig, los und lauf,
vor uns bricht der Himmel auf.
Wir schaffen es zusammen,
Übers Ende dieser Welt,
die hinter uns zerfällt.

Wir schauen nochmal zurück,
es ist der letzte Blick,
auf alles, was für immer war.

Komm, atme noch mal ein,
es kann der Anfang sein,
der Morgen ist zum greifen nah.

Verlager dein Gewicht,
den Abgrund siehst du nicht.

Achtug, fertig, los und lauf,
vor uns bricht der Himmel auf.
Wir schaffen es zusammen,
Übers Ende dieser Welt,
die hinter uns zerfällt.

Lass es alles hinter dir,
Es gibt nichts mehr zu verlier'n.
Alles hinter dir und mir,
hält uns nicht mehr auf.

Verlager dein Gewicht,
Guck mir ins Gesicht.

Achtug, fertig, los und lauf,
vor uns bricht der Himmel auf.
Wir schaffen es zusammen,
Übers Ende dieser Welt,
die hinter uns zerfällt.

Don't look at me, I'm a complete mess
Don't speak to me, I only have one thing to say
Don't touch me, I cannot bear to feel you
Don't think of me, I will know if you did
Don't talk about me, I will know what you said

I will forget you
But don't you ever forget me
The time is up, just the one night we needed

I've been thinking of someone, alot
Too much
Writing this is a way of saying, "I'm still not over you".
And that's the saddest thought ever because i'll never have you
And if it seems sick and twisted
Then so be it, i'm sick and twisted

I walked along the shoreline, late at night. Such a foolish thing to do, particularly alone. I feared robbers and thieves, as the freezing sea breeze whipped my hair around my face. I hugged my black shawl tighter around myself, closed my eyes, and breathed in the scent of the ocean as a wave crashed at my feet, drawing back into the sea and leaving behind smooth sand. I reached into my pocket, and pulled out a folded piece of paper, yellowed and stale with age.

I opened it and read the message it held for the last time.

Dear Alice,

I won't be coming back for a long time, but I assure you, I will think of you every day. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and though I've loved you to the fullest, I will love you even more on my return.

But it wouldn't be fair for you if I didn't tell you that this path I'm taking is bleak and unclear, and I might not come back. If I don't, Alice, you must continue living. Marry another, and lead a happy life with children, and your grandchildren, and your great-grandchildren. But I hope you will never forget me, as I will never forget you.

Love,
Calvin

This was the last thing he ever sent me. I waited, months, seasons. And soon, two entire years had passed before I heard that he had died in battle, wounded and weak. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, refusing to cry. But I did anyway, still clutching that letter. Kneeling and sobbing on the cold sand, I stretched out the hand and prepared to do what I came here for.

I let go.

The sea breeze brought it out to the ocean and I couldn't see it any more. No, it couldn't be. It couldn't be gone, it was the only thing I had left of him, except for my memories. I didn't even have a picture.

I stood up quickly and rushed into the water, wading out into open sea, not knowing where I was or where I was going. I just wanted that letter back. Cries came from behind me

"She'll drown!"

I want to drown. What would a woman like me live for, with no real love, or no genuine happiness in her life? I want to kill myself, and end this misery. And I would see Calvin again. My heart lifted at the thought of being held close to his chest in a warm embrace. A wave hit me, and I stumbled and fell.

I didn't know where left or right was, all I knew was my struggle for air. I fought frantically. A doctor would tell you that the more you struggled, the less time you had, but I was no doctor. Everything became blur and fuzzy, and the cold seawater suddenly held a strange warmth. Was this death?

No, it wasn't. I knew, because I woke up minutes later on the beach, with the man I was arranged to be wed to at my side, sobbing almost as hard as I did. He saw me open my eyes, and pulled me into a hug.

"How could you even think of-," but his words were cut off by cries. I pulled away gently. I didn't love this man as much as I loved Calvin, I could never. But I cared about him enough to not want him hurt.

"I..I lost my earring." He looked at me as though in disbelief, and then kissed me on the lips.

"I would get you all the earrings in the world, if it meant a choice between that, or losing you."

"I'm sorry,"

"Don't be," and we held each other tight on that beach. He grieved over the thought of ever losing me, but I only could think of Calvin. The way he would throw his head back and laugh, the way he could make me feel perfect by putting his hands around me, the way he made the world so much brighter, just by looking into my eyes. I loved him, I still did.

Obama won
This means he will be the next Antichrist
And the one who will lead mankind to it's doom on December 21st 2012