I've been thinking of someone, alot
Too much
Writing this is a way of saying, "I'm still not over you".
And that's the saddest thought ever because i'll never have you
And if it seems sick and twisted
Then so be it, i'm sick and twisted

I walked along the shoreline, late at night. Such a foolish thing to do, particularly alone. I feared robbers and thieves, as the freezing sea breeze whipped my hair around my face. I hugged my black shawl tighter around myself, closed my eyes, and breathed in the scent of the ocean as a wave crashed at my feet, drawing back into the sea and leaving behind smooth sand. I reached into my pocket, and pulled out a folded piece of paper, yellowed and stale with age.

I opened it and read the message it held for the last time.

Dear Alice,

I won't be coming back for a long time, but I assure you, I will think of you every day. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and though I've loved you to the fullest, I will love you even more on my return.

But it wouldn't be fair for you if I didn't tell you that this path I'm taking is bleak and unclear, and I might not come back. If I don't, Alice, you must continue living. Marry another, and lead a happy life with children, and your grandchildren, and your great-grandchildren. But I hope you will never forget me, as I will never forget you.

Love,
Calvin

This was the last thing he ever sent me. I waited, months, seasons. And soon, two entire years had passed before I heard that he had died in battle, wounded and weak. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, refusing to cry. But I did anyway, still clutching that letter. Kneeling and sobbing on the cold sand, I stretched out the hand and prepared to do what I came here for.

I let go.

The sea breeze brought it out to the ocean and I couldn't see it any more. No, it couldn't be. It couldn't be gone, it was the only thing I had left of him, except for my memories. I didn't even have a picture.

I stood up quickly and rushed into the water, wading out into open sea, not knowing where I was or where I was going. I just wanted that letter back. Cries came from behind me

"She'll drown!"

I want to drown. What would a woman like me live for, with no real love, or no genuine happiness in her life? I want to kill myself, and end this misery. And I would see Calvin again. My heart lifted at the thought of being held close to his chest in a warm embrace. A wave hit me, and I stumbled and fell.

I didn't know where left or right was, all I knew was my struggle for air. I fought frantically. A doctor would tell you that the more you struggled, the less time you had, but I was no doctor. Everything became blur and fuzzy, and the cold seawater suddenly held a strange warmth. Was this death?

No, it wasn't. I knew, because I woke up minutes later on the beach, with the man I was arranged to be wed to at my side, sobbing almost as hard as I did. He saw me open my eyes, and pulled me into a hug.

"How could you even think of-," but his words were cut off by cries. I pulled away gently. I didn't love this man as much as I loved Calvin, I could never. But I cared about him enough to not want him hurt.

"I..I lost my earring." He looked at me as though in disbelief, and then kissed me on the lips.

"I would get you all the earrings in the world, if it meant a choice between that, or losing you."

"I'm sorry,"

"Don't be," and we held each other tight on that beach. He grieved over the thought of ever losing me, but I only could think of Calvin. The way he would throw his head back and laugh, the way he could make me feel perfect by putting his hands around me, the way he made the world so much brighter, just by looking into my eyes. I loved him, I still did.